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Breakfast at Chetpet

2

Monday, September 10, 2012 by


I live as a paying guest in an apartment that has 19 birds, 2 Pomeranians and a 62 year old PG Aunty who has a special baby voice for each of her 21 animals. The apartment is in a quiet street lined with old deciduous trees, small kirana shops and a little temple at the end of the lane. I chose the place because the trees outside my window reminded me of my home in Goa and the distant sound of trains reminded me of Bombay. When I came inspecting the house, I saw myself enjoying a lazy Sunday morning breakfast at the balcony overlooking the trees. So, today, being my first Sunday here, I took my breakfast and the old jute chair to the balcony, just like I imagined it. I bit into my cheese sandwich and sipped my tea, thinking ‘ah! bliss”. But every now and then, life throws us a few surprises, in this case, it was 19 birds chirping and twittering ad infinitum.

Photo by Ruth Sequeira
I take a deep breath and try to block out the noise. I concentrate on a little squirrel darting about the Gulmohar tree. I envy him. He spends all his time scurrying from branch to branch, tree to tree. He has no plan and no appointments, does whatever comes to his cute little head. Such an explorer! He roams around tasting berries and flinging them away if he doesn’t enjoy them. He catches me staring at him every now and then and gives me a sheepish look. The little squirrel never sticks to one place for too long, unless there’s a strong gust of breeze, then he sits still but his eyes continue to dart about, surveying where he’ll head next. I tell myself, that I’m in this phase of sitting still & figuring out my next move. I start thinking of my next move but not for long, Coffee – the young female Pomeranian decides my mind should touch upon the topic – ‘Who is the stupidest dog on the planet?’ In a few seconds, I have my answer.

With the breeze, the thin Neem tree enters the balcony, swaying in and out. Whenever it enters Coffee jumps and tries to bite the invading branch. She begins to bark every time she fails and the Neem tree continues to tease her, coming ever so low but moving away a second before Coffee can clench her jaws. I keep count - Neem Tree -7, Coffee – 0.

The birds are at it again, chirping, fluttering and in general, doing everything they can to ruin my idyllic breakfast. The best way to settle a tantrum is to ignore it. So I play with Cocoa – the old Pomeranian, who can hardly see and suffers from Arthritis. Cocoa is the kind of dog who has given up on life, I don’t blame him. The chap has had to deal with a blonde daughter who chases Neem tree branches and starts barking every time the bathroom tap is turned on. Cocoa is also a little deaf, which I suspect is more of a conscious decision. I would do the same if I had to spend all my life in a house with 19 chirping birds and a woman who speaks constantly in a baby voice. Cocoa sits next to my chair and starts dozing off, as I pat his back with my foot.

The birds have gone silent; Cocoa and I have ignored them long enough. I gulp down my tea before it turns cold and try to spot my little tree explorer once more. Again I am disturbed by Coffee, who has finally caught hold of the Neem branch and refuses to let go. I try to pull her away, but the ruckus has disturbed the birds, who have started their chatter again. This madness wakes up poor old Cocoa, who glances at his daughter, then lets out what I can swear, was a sigh.


Pigeons

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Thursday, April 12, 2012 by


Photo by Ruth Sequeira 

While Noah found reassurance in spotting a dove carrying a twig, I knew tough times were heading my way when I spotted a twig carrying pigeon in my balcony. By reflex I shooed the pigeon away and decided to ignore the incident and act like it never happened. What’s the big deal you might ask, well allow me to explain. While it is no secret that I hate cats, only a few close friends and the security guards outside the Bombay Stock Exchange know of my immense disapproval of pigeons. I would rather read a Chetan Bhagat book than feed a pigeon, on second thought; ignore that last bit about me reading anything by Mr. Bhagat.
The next morning when I opened my balcony door to breathe in the new day, I was greeted by the unwelcoming sight of a couple of pigeons building a nest in my property. I spent the day disturbed by the dilemma before me. Should I continue being hostile or should I give the birds a chance? After all they were just parents looking out for a secure home for their innocent unborn bird-child. Me being me, you know, the good Christian that I am, I concluded that there was enough hatred in this world between the Blackberry boys and mandroids, Coffee lovers and tea-drinkers, Beliebers and non-Beliebers. I would end all hostilities and make my contribution towards a better world; I would find the strength in me to love these grotesque creatures and treat them as my own.
Unlike certain members of our Government who say they are working towards peaceful ties with Pakistan, I genuinely wanted to befriend the pigeons. We all know that relationships are built on trust and it was crucial that I make amends with the pigeons for all the previous unkindness, hoist the peace flags and reassure them that my sea-facing balcony was indeed the safest place for their little baby. I started off by sharing the same balcony space with them without scaring them away, you know trying to pull off the same trick like that guy we studied about in psychology who had a hungry dog and an electric bell. I did this several times a day but the dim witted birds never seemed to get the message and always seemed a little uneasy in my presence. 
The series of events that took place a few days later are still engraved clearly in my mind. It was a warm Sunday evening and I walked to the veranda to check on the well being of my feathered guests, seeing that they were all snug and happy, I went back in to pour myself a cup of cold milk and scrape out the remains of my Nutella bottle. Little did I know what was going through their sadistic minds, I walked back into my bedroom to witness an act so cheap that even Poonam Pandey would think lowly of it. A breach of trust, a betrayal of friendship, an act of shame – there right in the centre of my bedroom, caught red-handed; the bloody bird pooped. And not your ordinary white bird shit, but the greenish-yellow vile variety that makes one’s head fume and blood boil. After all my goodwill and efforts for peace, they had the gall to enter my sacred territory and poop! The phrase ‘all hell broke loose’ falls short of the wrath that followed. Running with the same rage that Thesues (Immortals) experienced on witnessing the murder of his mother by King Hyperion’s men, I went after those pigeons, arms flapping, veins bulging and abuses flowing in English, Hindi, and Parseltongue. Alas! I didn’t catch the bugger or else the next day, I would have had pigeon biryani in my dabba and PETA filing an unnecessary lawsuit against me! 
Bless the man who called pigeons the rats of the sky, because that is exactly what they are! I have tried in vain to find an explanation as to why I ever sympathised for those horrid creatures but I guess in a world where Chetan Bhagat is invited to literature festivals and Justin Beiber is considered hot, some things can never be explained.


Dina Building

6

Wednesday, March 21, 2012 by



My apartment was such a blessing
It’s spared my mum from over stressing.
I have to move out now that I’ve left my job
and every time I think of it I begin to sob.

My bathroom big, my kitchen small
a bedroom cum dining room cum hall.
I loved the antique furniture, the heritage flooring and my bed,
even the cabinet on which I kept bumping my head.

The construction workers gave me nightmares,
but  were so much better than the 2nd floor lady who only stares.
There were a dozen watchmen over the year
they all cuddled and snored to spread their message of fear.

The Banaji family were very kind and sweet,
the other neighbours I didn’t get a chance to meet.
I will miss the sea view from my beloved balcony
also the train noises that caused me so much agony.

No more cursing the thief who stole my watch and was never found
No more searching for Suresh the lift man who was never around.
No more shopping on Church Street for my fruit, milk and pav
No more good mornings to the hindu lady and her holy cow.

I will miss fatherly Raman the most
maybe even Jaya who was in & out like a ghost.
The pigeons are the only ones I won’t miss
because living alone for me, was absolute bliss.


Our Gulmohar Tree

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Monday, January 9, 2012 by

Unlike all the other big words I learnt in my third standard classroom, I learnt the word ‘development’ one evening at the school playground. The playground was not really a playground; it was just a wide open space of red mud with two huge mango trees and a majestic Gulmohar tree that together formed a triangle. These trees were very important to us because as village kids you tend to make use of sticks and stones more than penalty cards and dice. When we played ‘Hide and Seek’ the Gulmohar was the ‘Den’, when we played Blind Man’s Bluff the trees were our boundary, we’d even drawn 3 wickets in red chalk on the tree trunk for our cricket matches.
We were a big group of kids who got together every evening at the Gulmohar tree to play; my friends, my brothers’ friends, our neighbours, their cousins and their cousins’ friends. One evening we were playing ‘Hide & Seek’ and everything was going off well, until I peeped out of my hiding place to look at a white Maruti Omni that drove into our playground. I got spotted for popping my head out and so I climbed the gulmohar and waited for the others to get caught. Three men stepped out of the Maruti. Two average looking men and the last guy was short, grumpy and looked important. The small man scanned the area, his eyes darting from the road to the school to the trees.

Our school principal, Sr. Flora joined these men and they started discussing their “plans”. Though I did my best to eavesdrops, I only heard words like “structure”, “permissions”, “slabs”, “develop”. I didn’t have a clue of what they were talking about, but with all the pointing the small man did I knew it meant something big was about to happen. Half an hour later, the principal and the 3 men shook hands and parted. One to the convent, three drove off and we continued our silly games.

Summer began which meant we spent more time around the Gulmohar tree than at home. The men in the Omni made regular visits over the next few months. A parent-teacher meeting was organised one evening on our playground. There was quite a buzz about it around the village, everyone was trying to guess what the school was planning on doing. On the day of the meeting, a pendal was built, speakers installed and mikes checked “hell-oh..test..1..2..mike check..hello”, even the new plastic chairs from the school assembly hall were brought down and arranged in neat rows. Like most events in our village people came in early to grab a seat but it’s actually because they had nothing better to do. There were mats laid out in the front and my group of friends and other kids were sitting there cross legged and fidgety.


*Photo Courtesy -http://flickrhivemind.net/Tags/gulmohar/Interesting

Our principle, the 3 men from the Omni and the head of the Parent-Teacher Association sat at a long table covered with a white table cloth and 5 glasses of water standing in a line. Our Principle spoke first, welcomed everyone and said what we were to discuss today had been well thought out and in the interest of all, more importantly that there were snacks and rasna to be served to everyone after the meeting. Then Mr. PTA-head said that it gave him great pleasure to announce the plan to build a ‘sports complex’ of international standards. Confused, the audience was quiet; some of the children sitting next to me mumbled in konkanni, not the response Mr. PTA-head had pictured. Our principle began to clap and nod her head in approval and then like the plague the applause spread throughout.

He then went on about how the school believed in an all round education where studies and sports were given equal importance. The management and staff nodded their heads in agreement we kids, just looked at each wondering whether we’d heard right. Mr. PTA-head then said that for years, our students have been denied the opportunity to quality sports equipment and infrastructure. This time all my friends and I nodded our heads. It was time, he said, that they have the support, the training and the facilities to pursue their dreams.. to pursue a career in sports! The crowd erupted in applause.

I don’t remember what exactly the Omni man said because he was talking in numbers and dates and something about a poor chap with square feet. The meeting ended after an hour and all the villagers stood in line for their snack while the children ran around excitedly at the thought of a fancy sports complex and also because of all the sugar in the rasna we drank.

A week after the meeting my brothers and I went on a three-day summer camp to south Goa. We were so jumpy on our ride back, waiting to meet our friends, waiting to awe them with our spectacular stories and brave adventures; only to be struck speechless by what we saw or rather didn’t see. The Gulmohar was gone. All of it, they didn’t even leave a root behind. The shock and pain that pierced through our souls cannot be explained. All my friends felt angry and cheated, I wept more for the tree than Heidi cried when she was forced to leave her beloved mountains!

Eleven months later the sports complex was finally inaugurated with similar settings – techni colour pendal, big speakers, plastic chairs and lots of orange rasna. Our local MLA cut the red ribbon and gave a speech about the sports hall being a great initiative, about moving forward and how he was thrilled to have a five star sports complex. As an eight year old, I was familiar with the starring system and if Miss Blanche ever gave this grey block five shiny stars she’d better have given me seven for my somewhat cursive handwriting. If you looked at it from the top (you know like you look at your Barbie house) it was a rectangular box with some shutter windows. The borders of a badminton court were painted in white on the cement floor and there were 2 poles that held a net across the center of the hall. There was a table tennis table, a couple of chess boards and two separate changing rooms for girls and boys.

When it first opened it was so new, we were scared we’d break the glass panes hitting a six. Over time we found it small, hot and claustrophobic, so we abandoned it altogether. Thirteen years have passed since that bloody sports building was inaugurated and I can say with confidence that more people have done illegal stuff in it than actually played some sport.
During the construction period we were forced to find another playground. We shifted to the fields but that didn’t work out too well because the ground wasn’t smooth enough for cricket and the farmers didn’t like us running over their precious crops. We then had to cycle all the way to the church grounds but that was far and we were always treated like aliens invading someone else’s sacred playground. Eventually our evening ritual of playing died out and we hung out with the TV. When we did play, we did so in smaller groups and treated that sports complex like we treated Rupesh, the boy who had snot all over him, - acknowledging his presence but never bonding with him.


What do I do?

3

Friday, November 18, 2011 by

When mama bought me a blackboard,
I thought I’d grow up to teach.
Now, I’d like to buy a surfboard,
and travel to a nice sandy beach.

Daddy said I’d make a good news-reader,
he wanted me to be on TV.
Now, I don’t mind being a political party leader
or just another rich VIP.

A friend wanted me to be a DJ,
and mix house tracks.
My brothers just wanted me to go away,
and never come back.

At five, everyone wanted me to be a doctor,
so I thought I’d be one too.
A chef? A nun? A lawyer? A janitor?
At 21, I still haven’t a clue.


Just Can't Do

4

Tuesday, October 11, 2011 by

I cannot keep shut nor can I sit still,
Taking medication is always done against my will.

Doing slightly complex math is beyond me,
so is communicating in fluent Hindi.

Asking me to be nice or kind to a cat
is like getting me to put on weight and become fat,

I cannot walk respectably in high heels,
or drive anything with more than 2 wheels.

I can never keep a straight face during a prank,
Nor can I fill any of those forms they give you at a bank.

I can never draw or cut in straight lines,
or distinguish between expensive wines.

The stuff mentioned above are just a few
of the things that I simply cannot do!


Letter to Editor of Times of India

4

Friday, September 16, 2011 by

To,


The Editor,
Times of India,
Mumbai

Dear Sir,

This is with regard to the article ‘Reaping Gold through Bt Cotton’dated August 28, 2011. It was most disappointing to see such an article which sounds almost like an advertorial, but written by a journalist of the paper being published in your newspaper. There are a few points I would like to highlight:

1) A footnote states that the article is a ‘Reprint of.. TOI Nagpur edition’. There are sufficient stories on successful ecological farmers that can be highlighted if the publication feels it has a scarcity of stories to cover and it is forced to reprint!

2) A note by the journalist mentions that the trip to Yavatmal was “arranged” by Mahyco-Monsanto Biotech, it therefore comes as no surprise that the story is one sided with no independent views and sounds like a promotional piece for Mahyco-Monsanto’s Bollgard I and Bollgard II.

3) Yavatmal is a district that has 2117 villages of which only 2 were visited. This is an insufficient and inaccurate representation of the district and a particularly bad one as the district has seen a large number of farmer suicides.

4) All the farmers mentioned in the article have land ‘anywhere between 10-40 acres and none of them was ever a marginal farmer’. The author fails to describe the plight of majority of our farmers, who are small and marginal farmers mostly dependent on rainfall for irrigation, money from private money lenders and other problems.

The appearance of this article is particularly significant at a time the biotechnology industry is trying to get the BRAI bill, favourable to industry, cleared as per news reports. It is also pertinent that a series of advertisements are being published in the Times of India, Economic Times and Mumbai Mirror. One hopes that the editorial content of this newspaper is not governed by advertising revenues alone.

As you are aware biotechnology and particularly the GM crops issue is a very contentious and problematic, with numerous problems with GM crops surfacing around the world. At this juncture it is hoped that newspapers like yours will report objectively on the issue in the true spirit of responsible journalism.


Sincerely,

Ruth

Image for representational purpose only. Image curtesy Google Images